


This change is all so permanent, can't you see a change in me?

by darksideofthescreen (carrotsandcurly)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes-centric, Drabble, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Multi, Polyamory, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8308147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrotsandcurly/pseuds/darksideofthescreen
Summary: The thought of himself being ace was a bit scary though, especially since that would have on his relationships with his partners. He was sure not all of them would mind, but a lot of their lives revolved around sex and jokes about it. Most of them used it as a way to wind down after a mission, and while no one had made Bucky to do anything, he knew that they were secretly hoping that he would join in soon. They just (rightfully) deemed him too mentally unstable from his decades with HYDRA to do anything he didn’t tell them he was okay with.Or: Author just came out as ace and thinks there needs to be more asexual representation in Marvel fics (oh and more poly)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally just me being annoyed at how few asexual!bucky fics there were when I looked it up, hah. Oh and I really needed an excuse to write fluff and everyone being very ace supportive. 
> 
> Title from PVRIS' Demon Limbs
> 
> Nothing is edited or beta'd

Asexuality is a complex thing, Bucky Barnes learns. It's not something that can be defined by a single person’s experiences, and can range from someone being repulsed by sex, to someone being sexually attracted to just a tiny amount of people. He spent a lot of time googling the topic behind the back of his newfound (and old) friends. His first encounter had been an accident after Tony had shown him the complicated thing that is the internet, and he stumbled upon a post about it on Tumblr.

  
  


The thought of himself being ace was a bit scary, though, especially since that would have on his relationships with his partners. He was sure not all of them would mind, but a lot of their lives revolved around sex and jokes about it. Most of them used it as a way to wind down after a mission, and while no one had made Bucky to do anything, he knew that they were secretly hoping that he would join in soon. They just (rightfully) deemed him too mentally unstable from his decades with HYDRA to do anything he didn’t tell them he was okay with.

  
  


Bucky had also read the stories about James Buchanan Barnes, how he could charm anyone into doing anything. But he knew he wasn’t that person anymore, he wasn’t the ice cold Winter Soldier anymore either. He was just something in between, a messed up version of both versions of himself. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, he had been both Barnes and The Winter Soldier, and admittedly he was still a bit of both.

  
  


Another thing that bothered him, was the fact that he _liked_ affection and to get kisses and hug. (On good days of course, on bad day he spent most of his time either hidden in bed or manically making sure everyone was safe). He liked getting quick kisses good night and long hugs before someone left for more than a few hours. He just did not like the whole part where he was supposed to initiate something more, activities where their clothes would get shed and bodies would melt together.

  
  


Maybe the others knew, by the way he never got aroused even as they something that _clearly_ should make him at least a tiny bit horny. Like the times when Steve couldn’t help but push him up against a wall and snog the living shit out of him. Bucky could always feel Steve’s excitement, but still, his own body never seemed to get the same reaction. Or any of the times he’s accidentally walked in on Natasha in her underwear, something he knows for a fact would make most people interested, he still couldn’t bring himself to do anything other than kiss her cheek and lips before pulling her close for a cuddle.

  
  


Maybe this was just another way he was broken, too fucked up in the head to fully appreciate his partner. Because let’s face it, it wasn’t as if any of them were ugly, and sometimes he even _wished_ he could feel something other than romantical affection for them. But only sometimes.

  
  


The one who got it the most was probably Wanda, not only because she’s been in his head several times, but because she too often felt the way he did. She was just as messed up as he was, and most of the time too sad or insecure to do anything other than being held. Plus, she would always let out the happiest kind of sighs when he kissed her forehead and let her snooze on his chest. He knew that she would engage in sexual activities with the others sometimes, but most of the times she went to cuddle with him instead after a mission.

  
  


But like with most things in the weirdness that is the Avengers, secrets cannot be kept for too long without at least somebody figuring it out. Bucky didn’t really notice anything at first, he would just appreciate the fact that there always seemed to be someone who wanted to cuddle up with him at night, with or without a need to wind down from a previous mission. But soon it became obvious that they took turns to hang out with him (sometimes in pairs or trios even), but Bucky couldn’t really bring himself to care about the fact. He got constant cuddles whenever he needed and craved it, or someone to fuss over and make tea for when he had a bad day. It had been so long since he had accidentally slipped into the mindset of the Russian assassin inside of him, and the reason behind that was probably the fact that he had constant fulfills of his innermost needs.

  
  


It wasn’t until he laid in bed with Clint one day that it became very clear that they knew what was up with him. The other had been stroking one of his hands through Bucky’s hair, a cup of tea in the other when he simply said: “You know none of us cares if you don’t want sex right?”. There had not been much else to say about it, and even though he was embarrassed about it the first few moments, Clint had been quick to scratch behind his ear, something that almost always made him feel safe.

  
(When he woke up the next morning to a pin with the words _Yes, I thoroughly enjoy being a genetic dead end thank you for asking_ he quickly sent a fuck you emoji and five different hearts to Tony, before opening the group chat and sending them a pic of himself smiling, wearing the pin and the simple demand of _Your fave Ace would like for you all to come to my bed for a group cuddle)_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I came out as grey ace this weekend and it's been scary but also very very comforting to know that I have amazing people standing behind me.  
> I hope you enjoyed this, even though it's short and way too fluffy to be something I've written. Lol.


End file.
